2 States + 3 Idiots = 1/2 Girlfriend
"Independence often means unilateral decisions. But the sad thing is that no decision one takes is only about one person." - Half Girlfriend, 2014
I am at Rathambore, a nature reserve near Jaipur in India for the tiger sightseeing right now. Tired. It was a long journey driving through the yellow mustard fields with so many black and white pigs crossing the road!
I'm still drowned in the world of Madhav and Riya and their 'love story'. I relate a lot to Riya- a lot. The escapist attitude, the I'm-not-sure-about-a-relationship behaviour, the sarcasm and principally the keeping-things-from people, not opening up easily and having trust issues. For most of the part all I saw was glimpses of my whole teenage evolution in her. My closest friend know that however jumpy, eccentric and grinnish I can be, I am the same distant, closed into herself girl I am to the acquaintances or strangers.
Initially, this whole half-girlfriend phenomenon was something I thought I was the only suffering from. But the fact that Chetan Bhagat has been able to pick thus scenario up and connect with the youth's romantic and sexual complexes, I think that's beyond fantastic.
This book has two main themes.
The first being the English/ Non-English scenarios and the second being Closer than close friends/But still not a girlfriend!
Commenting a little bit on the first theme: what I can from my four days stay in India is that this English/ Non-English type of scenario is actually very real in India.
You are considered way superior if you are fluent in English but a worthy to be a slave when you are not. Like Mr Bhagat placed it in one of the many interviews he gave, You may not understand one Newton's law but you are considered as a smart guy once you handle the Britishers' language properly. But mispronounce one word and you are made a fool for the rest of your life.
And I would agree with Controversial Bhagat over here.
See, what I have learnt about India so far from a generalised sociological perspective is that there isn't only one India. There are two.
One which is known as India and the other is Bharat.
This can be clearly seen when you make a round at Connaught place where posh people dressed in black leather jackets and boots are shopping using cheque books or bank cards and scantily dressed people outside asking for alms.
We are headed towards Jaipur and I know I haven't finished my feelings about Half girlfriend. Trust me, I'm truly keen to complete that. Right now, I have taken up The Palace of Illusions from Chitra Banerjee. It's the Mahabharata retold from the perspective of Draupadi hence it is filled with female angst, passion and psychological complexity. After all it is about a woman born in a men's world.
When I picked up ‘half girlfriend’ during my trip in India, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was looking forward to such a story since long. A half relationship story. Mostly because such relationships are not very common in society at large but are in my entourage. I have myself probably at some point or the other been in a half relationship.
What the heck is a half relationship, you ask?
There exists a phenomenon which has plagued maturing hearts since at least the dawn of the internet age, but has certainly been problematic for many years prior, perhaps even since the day when cave people learned how to whistle at the attractive body parts of another.I will call this phenomenon the “Half-Relationship.” It is half because it is almost always a romantic relationship that is defined by only one-half of the people involved.The half-relationship is that long gradient between singlehood and partnership. Half-relationships range in definition from a mistaken one-night-stand, two friends with romantic complications (including but not limited to sex, kisses, awkwardly long hugs, sharing of deep secrets, occasional hand-holding, etc.), silent yet always-obvious crushes, and so on. Still the question is: why?
Why not just make the leap into definitional commitment?
Perhaps it is a victim of language’s fallibility; no “label” could ever justify the unique relationship.Imagine that stage between being best friends/ friends and becoming lovers. Imagine probably loving someone but still not wanting to make things official or take the next step? A half relationship is like being engaged but not married. A half relationship is like eating the donut without the icing. A half relationship is like introducing your special friend to your parents but not as ‘the one’. A half relationship is a serious, committed relationship with all the care, affection, and attention but with no fixed societal-guided agenda. A half relationship has everything that a full relationship has except getting physical. A half relationship is really like a one-sided love story and a one-sided denial story. A half relationship is a relationship in private and not in public.
How does it feel being in a half relationship?
"I think it helps one kind of satisfy one's cravings a bit, making one feel loved, having someone to cuddle and hug. And someone on whom to lie one's head to sleep and to talk till late night, and to bore with one's issues and someone to tolerate all one's tantrums. Yet you feel free because there are no obligations. You can call your half boyfriend, do things together, share everything. I would even go to the extent of saying flirting is allowed. It, however, depends on the relationship and the people involved in it. But I believe there is a risk to take, mostly because you are not sure if your half partner considers it just as a half relationship as you do. Conversation is vital. Staying together might turn into a habit, expectations may develop as well as the hope for a normal relationship to build in. Believe it or not, at some point, at least, one of you will think about this. Anyway, I think it's a beautiful thing to try. You learn soo much ....fight soo much and have soo much fun!" -Joanna, 18 years old
"At times, it is great simply because half girlfriend and half boyfriend mean that we are best friends at the base. Most of the time, we stay like crazy people. But it ends up badly. One gets attached to that relationship and the other moves on." -Nitin, 18 years old
"If you ask me, I think that half isn’t bad. Some would say that it depends on how you look at it: half-empty or half-full. But the half that is ‘missing’ is pretty vital, though. For a relationship to be, it also has to not be." -Shirley, 19 years old
"My half relationship was officially a commitment, but the intensity and the feeling of having someone who got me superseded the lack of time together and all other red flags. My fantasy of what I wanted it to be slowly fell apart. I would seek out advice and everywhere I was told, “we were meant to be together.”I hear these words from so many people who contact me. They look for psychic readings, books and other people to tell them it is okay to hope that this shitty situation has a silver lining. It can have a great outcome, but not in the way most of us think." - Olive, 33 years old
