F Modesty
I was in the loo today, reflecting about life, as always (let's not deny that it is not the best place to philosophize about life!) and a thought occurred to me.
Confidence is probably never fully achieved unless one has learned to be assertive. And that's something when you are a woman from an Asian-African background.
#1 Assert Yourself
Last semester, we were all evaluated as per our degree of assertiveness as individuals. And perhaps that's one of those things I didn't necessarily score high in. Woman. Asian-African. Well.
But I can bet anything and swear that I have become more self-conceited about where my interests lie since the time I step foot in Singapore. I feel unabashedly shameless to ask for something from higher authority instead of just going for a usual submissive nod.
Coming online and writing behind a screen was my expressive outlet of emotions back in Mauritius. But being assertive goes for most of the part to take action. I'll start with the simple fact that despite being an islander, I was never comfortable with wearing a bikini, now I am. I feel that I am more entitled to pamper myself as well because now I am earning my own money (and I wish to add saving money as well- just in case my Mom reads this line and trumps me on Whatsapp). So yes, I feel that I'm losing on my inherent modesty.
Lesson learned: You have a feeling you are a Rock-star? The only person you can trust is yourself! You are a rock star! (Be unapologetic about Who You Are.)
#2 Make a Public Declaration of Who You Are
No, it's not called being arrogant. It's just about making a public declaration about Who You Are and if people are uncomfortable with that, well that's their problem.
To give an example here, would like to tell you what Lilly Singh had to share with us during her Bawse Tour Concert at Kallang Theatre last week.
She related how once she was in Louisiana, partying with some of her friends in one of those late night clubs. Some did recognize her as the YouTube star that she is. But that did not matter. She was there, enjoying her time just like any 20-something. She was twerking, casually, as she so loves to do when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Lilly turned around and she was greeted by one woman who went all, "That colorful strand in your hair, it's awful. You look ugly." Lilly looked at her and said, "I'm sorry you feel that way. But I hope you enjoy your evening." And our woman continued dancing her way through.
Lesson learned: You feel you are a Rock-star, don't only feel that way, tell people you are a rock star! (Be unapologetic about Who You Are.)
#3 Do not, at any cost, drop your standards
I recall perfectly having one conversation with my supposed best boy friend on campus. (Shashank, you mutt!) As always, a friend and I were complaining about how group works are a pain in the ass because we end up doing most of the work and even if we let others do the work it's always something that we know can be better. Shashank went all out crazy but calmly stating that "you guys should lower your level down a bit, else you'll always end up like this".
I'M SORRY? No, actually I'm not sorry. Why the hell should I eff-ing lower myself or my standards because other people can't be better?
Tomorrow if I were to get married, (which I in no way have any interest in), I should settle for someone I do not want? When I have the capacity to be great, why should I play small? But I'm definitely sorry for you because I very well intend to take credits if the work turns out to truly amazing and likewise own up to the blame if things don't fall in place.
But in no way will I steer myself to be lesser than the grandest version that I have ever envisioned of myself.
Lesson learned: You are a blockbuster Rock-star? Don't play lower than Perfection. (Be unapologetic about Who You Are.)
Disclaimer: 'Modesty' and 'Humility' are two different concepts, as is the case with 'Envy' and 'Jealousy' as well as 'Tolerance' and Respect. If you want me to write about those, feel free to drop a word in the comment section below.
