Adulthood is a Facade
Adulthood is a facade. Just like Santa Claus is a facade.
This is my gift to you this Christmas, kids.
I am turning 21 in a month's time and as per my nationality, I have been officially an adult since my 18th birthday. Still, for the last 3 and half months I have lived in a country where I was still considered a minor by law.
Trust, me age is just a number and the phases we attribute with them are just words.
Adults do not know about this world any better than you do. Surely, you'll soon be stripped of your innocence, discover the fradulous and crimous ways of what the world constitutes of, but once you do, you'll be at par with the older folks. You do not have to worry about them being better human beings, better decision makers and better know-ers than you can be. Educate yourself. Do not be constrained by your age. There's far more that you can achieve by being thrice times younger than someone else, if only you are bold enough to take that step.
I come back often, to Mauritius, my native land. And every time I do, I see how much of kids my middle-aged parents can be. They fight, like Tom and Jerry do. They are confused, like a teenager is. They are conflicted, like a child is when they have to choose between their freedom and being obedient. They are irrational, like a woman can be on her PMS. They are everything but 'adultish' when they are not cautious about fulfilling that role.
During my last summer break in Mauritius, I happened to have interacted with a man, twice my age. He is a popular blogger too and he, as per me, is a man of good wisdom. I deeply cherish whatsoever little interaction I was bestowed upon with him. I thought sharing some snippets of one of our many conversations could serve the food for thought of readers.
Him
Hello!
You agree with what I wrote?
Pawena
Hello Sir, I do agree with what you wrote..
I just felt it hit the subtle nuances of ageism that we often tend to not talk about.
Him
Explain.
Pawena
I have this feeling that adulthood is a highly disproportionate concept that it sold to adolescents and children. It's meant to be the star-constellated phase of life somehow, or at least it's constantly presented as that point in life where humans achieve greatness, are at their ultimate best and are actually aware of what they are doing with their lives, to the world and people around them. But the truth is, I am starting to realize as I am growing up, that even the 40-year-old is not necessarily certain about what he or she is standing for or doing. I just feel that there is a lot of discrimination against the youth because of how they are deemed to be immature and irresponsible when the truth is that many adults can be endorsements of the same.
Pawena
Your post related to some reflections I have on the subject.
It's getting me to think more about it.
Especially in trying to organise my thought processes more coherently too.
Thank you for this.
Him
I fully agree with everything you said.
It is just a facade that grown-ups try to show that their life is exactly as they wished for and worked for.
When you grow up, everyday is like an helicopter tour over a disaster areas.
Pawena
I am definitely going to reflect on the same. I truly liked how you state that adults are not always the proper models to be followed. I went through a "young adult crisis" (as I personally like to label it) last year and the only way to get out of it was to realize that parents, as much as we would like it to be that way (perhaps because that's what we are taught as children and out of utter respect and pure love), are not Gods. They are humans after all and come with their own set flaws too. I just was sad that I was being prepared all my life to run for a race for perfection: becoming a good mature adult who can take no wrong decision. I was just sad that I was not instead being prepared to simply be a good human being and accept my flaws instead of hiding them and building an ego-consolidated fortress to pretend I am in front of one and all.
Pawena
And the way you stated that I don't have to see what 40-year-olds' or 50-year-olds' version of the truth as the Ultimate Truth I should venerate surely reassured a part of me. Because I think many young people so feel there can be something wrong in their psyche at times.
Of course, there can be something wrong with any age group's psyche.
Or right.
Yes, I like that word. 'Facade'.
Him
I was not sure the word existed in English, facade, I just checked, it does.
Pawena
Yes!! Exactly! I just felt it was a horrendous battle of the egos. Wounds carving up their way from some bruised parts of adolescence or childhood.
Yes, it does exist.
This is the absolute truth 'the only way to get out of it was to realize that parents, as much as we would like it to be that way (perhaps because that's what we are taught as children and out of utter respect and pure love), are not Gods. They are humans after all and come with their own set flaws too.
Him
It's awesome really that you came to realize that.
I took me years to understand and accept that.
Pawena
At times I feel that we can't blame anyone for the amount of insecurities, bitterness and anger they harbor inside of themselves. After all they have merely been victims. But then, I end up convinced that it remains the duty of any grown person to heal themselves, to become stronger and conquer vices. There's no honor in playing the victim. If we love ourselves enough, we truly ought to conquer ill-feelings, ego and the likes. In that I feel, is the true process of growing up.
Pawena
I realised it. Absorbing it since the past year. It takes time to digest something of the sort and unwind the firm socialization that we've been inculcated with. Slowly, but surely happening hopefully.
Him
You know, I think adults have this misconception that youngsters need to be trained to be like they themselves were. But times have changed and the elders are not themselves happy with what they have become.
The best advice I have ever received is this : 'Il faut apprendre à s'aimer soi-même.' (One should learn to love oneself.)
When I heard it, I thought it's so cliché. But that day, I went home and slept. When I woke up the following day, it suddenly made sense. I saw so many things around me that were telling me that I did not like myself. Things about how I dressed, whom I interacted with, commitments I took, promises I did not keep... they were shouted out loud but I was not hearing.
Pawena
That's absolutely true! I think it's human nature to perpetuate what we are, that's procreation basically: the urge to keep part of ourselves alive. Until that remains in the biological context, it's all natural and organic.
But trying to replicate dozens of the same minds thinking the same way eternally, that sure sounds unnatural to me. Perhaps that's where we fail, being unable to be detached from the younger generations and letting them be, and in that way accepting the natural process of evolution and change. There's this imposition that happens as you said via 'training' (socialization).
Mankind has grown too complex. We no longer only need to generate human beings, but there's this need to generate human beings that belong to various ethnic groups, to various political beliefs and religions all prescribed even before they are born. Everything burns down to belief systems that as you said, people no longer see the sense in and are quite unhappy with the results.
Pawena
It is the best advice. I wish we were taught this in kindergarten. Life would have been beautiful since the very beginning then.
We all deeply love ourselves, but we are told that loving ourselves is wrong. And that's terribly sad.
Because if everyone was 'allowed' to love themselves, it would hurt many rigid institutions in society.
So most of us quit loving ourselves. Out of fear. And at times, it's also a matter of courage. Which we are not always necessarily born with.
